The Worst Movie Year Ever?

David Spade, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock, Kevin James and Adam Sandler in 'Grown Ups.'

Coming soon to a theater near you: absolutely nothing you want to see. Why Hollywood keeps trying to sell us on pointless sequels, lame remakes and the stardom of Shia LaBeouf.

By JOE QUEENAN
WSJ

In the new movie "Inception," Leonardo DiCaprio burrows deep into the subconscious of a self-absorbed plutocrat to plant a powerful idea that will change the world. If the technology used in "Inception" were available in real life, Mr. DiCaprio might burrow into the subconscious of Hollywood plutocrats and plant these paradigm-altering ideas: Stop making movies like "Grown Ups," "Sex and the City 2," "Prince of Persia" and anything that positions Jennifer Aniston or John C. Reilly at the top of the marquee. Stop trying to pass off Shia LaBeouf—who looks a bit like the young George W. Bush—as the second coming of Tom Cruise. Stop casting Gerard Butler in roles where he is called upon to emote. And if "Legion" and "Edge of Darkness" and "The Back-up Plan" and "Hot Tub Time Machine" are the best you can do, stop making movies, period. Humanity will thank you for it.

In a millennium that has thus far produced precious few motion pictures in the same class as "The Godfather," "Jurassic Park," "Casablanca," "Gone with the Wind," "My Fair Lady" and "The Matrix," there is a knee-jerk tendency to throw up one's hands and moan that the current year is the worst in the history of motion pictures. But 2010 very possibly is the worst year in the history of motion pictures. Where once there was "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," there is now "Robin Hood," prince of duds. Where once we could look forward to "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "The Last of the Mohicans," we can now look forward to "Dinner for Schmucks" and "The Last Airbender." This time two years ago we were treated to the ingenious, subversive "Iron Man"; this year we have the insipid, uninspired "Iron Man 2." What does it say about the current season that the third installation of "Toy Story" is better than the first installation of anything else? Or that people are actually looking forward to a sequel to the 1982 flop "Tron"? Does this mean that a sequel to "The Rocketeer" will soon be on the way? Quick, Leonardo: Penetrate somebody's subconscious. Fast.

Hollywood's historical mission is not merely to provide a steady stream of engaging movies for a society that simply can't wait for the weekend. It is also to generate a continuous sense of excitement about movies themselves. It's not just that people like to watch movies; they like to anticipate movies, to talk them up long before their release. Sometimes this is because of the epic scale of the undertaking ("Titanic," "Avatar," "Cleopatra," "GoneWith the Wind"), sometimes because of dark rumblings about serious problems with the film ("Ishtar," "Vanilla Sky," "The Passion of the Christ," "Waterworld"), and sometimes because of an entirely unforeseen event, like Madonna's decision to invade an industry that was getting along just fine without her ("Desperately Seeking Susan") or Heath Ledger's untimely death scant months before the public got to see his amazing turn as the Joker in "The Dark Knight." And sometimes it's simply because, as in the case of "Avatar," "Braveheart" and "Apocalypto," everyone in the film has his face painted blue.

Traditionally, the public gets all revved up for films during the winter and spring, imagining how much fun the summer is going to be once Neo or Darth Vader or the Terminator gets here. Or, barring that, when those great white sharks, pesky gremlins or designer brontosauruses blow through town. No such excitement exists this year. Go into a movie theater any day of the week and watch as the audience sits listlessly through a series of lame, mechanical trailers for upcoming films that look exactly like the D.O.A. movies audiences avoided last week. More films about misunderstood mercenaries. More films about rogue cops. More films about the pivotal role of choreography in rescuing the underclass from its own worst instincts. More movies about congenial thugs from South Boston. More films about boys who do not want to grow up, ever, ever, ever.

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