One secret to a happy marriage: 'Protective buffering'

The Little Lies Spouses Tell: Some Experts Call It 'Buffering'; If Not Excessive, It Can Make a Marriage Happier 

By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN, WSJ

In 47 years of marriage, there are a few things Sherri Mills hasn't told her husband, Gerald, such as what she really spends on makeup. Or how she indulges the kids.

But these things don't compare with what Ms. Mills calls the "one real whopper of omission" in her relationship with her husband. It involved her ex-boyfriend, Jim.

In the early years of her marriage, living in the small town of Helper, Utah, Ms. Mills would sometimes run into Jim and his family, with whom she had once been close. Knowing her husband was prone to be jealous and hot-tempered, Ms. Mills would try to avoid her ex-boyfriend or, if that failed, then say as little as possible to him. She knew her husband was suspicious that she might still have feelings for her old flame.

Then Ms. Mills learned that Jim's mother was seriously ill and wanted to see her. Ms. Mills went to the hospital, where the woman made a deathbed request: Would Ms. Mills speak with Jim and encourage him to sell the family-owned business (a bar, then known in Utah as a club) and strive for a more-settled life? The woman believed Jim still loved his ex-girlfriend and would listen.

(More here.)