Election year advice

Save the Candidates

By GAIL COLLINS, NYT

Everywhere I go, concerned citizens ask about the November elections and what they can do to make sure that whatever it is that they’re terrified is going to happen, doesn’t. Therefore, as a public service, I am prepared to answer questions:

I am terrified that President Obama is going to lose! What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?

If you’re living in a swing state, all you have to do is wave your hand and somebody will leap out of the bushes, beg you to put up a sign on your lawn, and ask you to become a volunteer. If you pick the sign option, be prepared for the possibility that somebody will steal it. We’re having that kind of election year. If you choose to volunteer, your assignment will probably be less exciting than you had hoped, but I have definitely heard reports about people who met their future spouse while licking envelopes in the back room of a near-empty storefront in a half-abandoned shopping mall.

I am terrified that President Obama is going to win! What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?

Oh, for heaven’s sake! Just look at the first answer. I’m not going to say everything twice to prove my evenhanded impartiality. This is the opinion section.

(More here.)