Tim Almighty

Article by: DAVID ROTHKOPF
Foreign Policy
December 15, 2011 - 7:52 PM

And so it came to pass that the Lord God looked down upon the people of the world in the early years of the 21st century (frankly, it had nothing to do with His position: you would look down on them, too) and saw they were dissatisfied, and unrest filled the parks of their financial districts, and their tea parties were no longer festive occasions featuring scones and clotted cream.

And He thought, "I have given them food and they grew fat. I have given them Eden and they paved it over. I have given them the air they breathe and they pumped it full of greenhouse gasses. I gave them life and they turned it into a reality television show. And they're frustrated?"

Now it was Christmastime in America (or, as it was known to God in Heaven, the holiday season) and the Lord pondered what He might do. "I have even given the Christians my only son," He muttered to Himself, sounding uncannily like Morgan Freeman. "How do you top that?"

And so it was that the Lord created Tim Tebow, a man who had the faith of the prophets, the body of a linebacker, and the ability to run the option. He also was possessed of charm, good looks and an underrated throwing arm (face it, three or four really good passes were dropped last weekend).

(More here.)