New Rules for the New Year

By BILL MAHER
NYT

NEW YEAR’S resolutions are the original New Rules. Except that resolutions are usually self-oriented: I am going to lose weight this year. My New Year’s resolution, by the way, is to do the ones from ’75; I made a lot of good ones that year. I was 19, and thought I could polish them off by age 20. Alas, I’m a little behind.

Also, New Rules are bigger, broader and grander. I don’t tell you what I’m going to eat; I tell you how the world should work. Here’s what 2011 prompts me to decree for 2012:

New Rule: Now that we have no money, and all our soldiers have come home from Iraq and they’ve all got experience building infrastructure, and no jobs ... we must immediately solve all of our problems by declaring war on the United States.

New Rule: If you were a Republican in 2011, and you liked Donald Trump, and then you liked Michele Bachmann, and then you liked Rick Perry, and then you liked Herman Cain, and then you liked Newt Gingrich ... you can still hate Mitt Romney, but you can’t say it’s because he’s always changing his mind.

(More here.)