The worst and worst of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Contest

Are these the most terrible (fake) opening sentences for novels you've ever read?

By Emma Mustich
Salon.com

Each year, writers from all corners of the English-speaking world pen the weakest opening sentences they can dream up, and send them in to the Bulwer-Lytton Contest -- a competition named for the man who actually began his novel with "It was a dark and stormy night ..."

2011's many winners (the contest's numerous categories include "Historical Fiction," "Sci Fi," "Western" and "Vile Puns") were revealed Monday. Here are some choice examples:

Best in show:

"Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories." (Sue Fondrie, Oshkosh, Wis.)

Runner-up:

As I stood among the ransacked ruin that had been my home, surveying the aftermath of the senseless horrors and atrocities that had been perpetrated on my family and everything I hold dear, I swore to myself that no matter where I had to go, no matter what I had to do or endure, I would find the man who did this ... and when I did, when I did, oh, there would be words. (Rodney Reed, Ooltewah, Tenn.)

(More here.)