21 Economic Models Explained

SOCIALISM

• You have 2 cows.
• You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

• You have 2 cows.
• The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

• You have 2 cows.
• The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

• You have 2 cows.
• The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

• You have 2 cows.
• The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

• You have two cows.
• You sell one and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
• You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

• You have two giraffes.
• The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
• The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
• You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
• No balance sheet provided with the release.
• The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You count them and learn you have five cows.
• You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
• You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

• You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
• You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You have 300 people milking them.
• You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
• You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• One is mad and the other has had to be put in storage because of the health and safety risks of milking it.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

• Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
• You tell them that you have none.
• Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
• You still have no cows, but at least you are now a democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• Business seems pretty good.
• You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

• You have two cows.
• The one on the left looks very attractive.

Courtesy of Prof. Dr. Fred Krueger
Institute of Geography, University of Erlangen-Nuernberg
Kochstr. 4/4, 91054 Erlangen, Germany