Who will rule Potomac Man?
By Dana Milbank
WashingtonPost.com
Iowans will begin the 2008 presidential voting this week. For those in the nation's capital, this means that there soon will be an answer to the all-important question:
Who will, for the next four years, rule the barbaric tribes that live along the Potomac?
In the tongue of the Piscataway Indians who first occupied these shores, the very word "Potomac" means "where the goods are brought in." To this day, the savages who live here are a breed unto themselves -- Homo politicus, or Potomac Man -- and they continue to bring in the goods in strange and sometimes scary ways.
They steal from other tribes (Jack Abramoff) and hide their treasure in iceboxes (William Jefferson). They adopt war names such as "The Hammer" (Tom DeLay), apply elaborate war paint to their faces (Katherine Harris), give blood-curdling war whoops (Howard Dean) and shave their heads and plot against each other in war rooms (James Carville). They perform frightening fertility rituals in public places (Larry Craig), exchange their services for boats, homes and jewelry (Duke Cunningham) and even engage in human sacrifice (Scooter Libby). The two perpetually warring tribes of Potomac Land -- "parties," in the local dialect -- speak a common language incomprehensible to outsiders ("I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it").
For Potomac Man, each candidate represents a different segment of the Homo politicus body politic. One is a shaman, one a heretic, one a bard, and several are bloodthirsty warriors.
For the inhabitants of Potomac Land, backing the winning candidate in the election is a matter of tribal survival: The victor will determine who brings in the goods over the next four years . . . and who gets scalped.
(Continued here.)
WashingtonPost.com
Iowans will begin the 2008 presidential voting this week. For those in the nation's capital, this means that there soon will be an answer to the all-important question:
Who will, for the next four years, rule the barbaric tribes that live along the Potomac?
In the tongue of the Piscataway Indians who first occupied these shores, the very word "Potomac" means "where the goods are brought in." To this day, the savages who live here are a breed unto themselves -- Homo politicus, or Potomac Man -- and they continue to bring in the goods in strange and sometimes scary ways.
They steal from other tribes (Jack Abramoff) and hide their treasure in iceboxes (William Jefferson). They adopt war names such as "The Hammer" (Tom DeLay), apply elaborate war paint to their faces (Katherine Harris), give blood-curdling war whoops (Howard Dean) and shave their heads and plot against each other in war rooms (James Carville). They perform frightening fertility rituals in public places (Larry Craig), exchange their services for boats, homes and jewelry (Duke Cunningham) and even engage in human sacrifice (Scooter Libby). The two perpetually warring tribes of Potomac Land -- "parties," in the local dialect -- speak a common language incomprehensible to outsiders ("I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it").
For Potomac Man, each candidate represents a different segment of the Homo politicus body politic. One is a shaman, one a heretic, one a bard, and several are bloodthirsty warriors.
For the inhabitants of Potomac Land, backing the winning candidate in the election is a matter of tribal survival: The victor will determine who brings in the goods over the next four years . . . and who gets scalped.
(Continued here.)
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