Ask Dana Perino

Marty Kaplan
Huffington Post

Q: When President Bush says, "This government does not torture," isn't that true only because he got Alberto Gonzales to write a secret memo redefining the meaning of torture?

A: Yes. The Constitution grants the power to redefine words to the unitary executive.

Q: You're making that up. That's not in the Constitution.

A: Yes, it is. It's in a secret Article.

Q: But there's no such thing as a -

A: I see you're not wearing your flag lapel pin.

Q: The President says he vetoed SCHIP because it's big-spending socialized medicine. Does that mean the Republicans who voted for it are big-spending socialists?

A: Answering that would only help the terrorists.

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