Minnesota's GOP Winners and Losers This Fall
And the "Pachy" awards go to...
by Leigh Pomeroy
The election is nearly a month behind us. The nation breathed one huge, collective sigh of relief when it was over: For most it was a relief because the good guys won. The country seems to have brought itself back into balance after having veered off in one direction too long.
For others it was a relief because it was over. Trust me, as one who has run and lost more than once, the feeling of relief can easily overpower any sense of disappointment.
The GOP winners this fall included, of course, Minnesota's boy Governor, Tim Pawlenty, who managed to remake himself in the past two years as enough of a centrist to squeak by the DFL's Mike Hatch, thanks in part to the presence of a real centrist, Peter Hutchinson, in the campaign.
Also among the winners was the controversial Michele Bachmann, Minnesota's answer to Phyllis Schlafly and Colorado's Marilyn Musgrave. Mrs. Bachmann's victory can be attributed to the fact that, despite Minnesota's historic liberal leanings, which overall showed strong in this election, the North Star State still has its pockets of religiously driven, socially conservative craziness. Also, the camera likes Mrs. Bachmann better than Patty Wetterling, and although what she says doesn't always make sense, the way she propels her words with that dusky voice and earnest enthusiasm — well, why the heck not? Were she not elected to Congress she would do well as an addition to the Desperate Housewives roster on Sunday night TV.
Another winner, although he wasn't running, was Minnesota's junior Senator, Norm Coleman. With the ranks of Republican office holders in the state severely thinned, the election put him and Master Pawlenty thoroughly in the driver's seat of their party, which means they can pick and choose the issues on which they want to take action. As we've noted before on these pages, it appears already they will both be heading toward the security of the center.
As for the losing Republicans, we can divide these into three categories — heck, let's call them awards. And let's give them a name: the Pachys, short for pachyderms. (Drum roll, please!)
And the Woodchipper Pachy, for the Republican candidate receiving the worst shredding in a Minnesota election per the movie Fargo, goes to... Mark Kennedy!
What will you be doing after the election, Mr. Kennedy?
Well, let's move on. Now for our next award... (Drum roll, please!)
The Whoa!-I-Didn't-Expect-That-To-Happen Pachy goes to... the aforementioned Gil Gutknecht!
And what will you be doing after the election, Mr. Gutknecht?
"I'm still Gil. I'm curious, and optimistic. And I see the opportunities out there." One of those opportunities, he says, is consulting on alternative energies like wind, biomass, biodiesel and ethanol.
Ethanol? Someone say "ethanol"? Apparently there's a whole bunch of it in the ground near Cambria, courtesy of the Derail Monthly & (make) Excuses Railroad. Perhaps Mr. Gutknecht can consult on that.
And now for the final Pachy... (Drum roll, please!)
The Let's-Take-A-Lesson-From-The-Enron-Boys Pachy goes to... Dr. William McGuire, former CEO of UnitedHealth Group.
The good Doctor was told this week by a federal court that he'd better not exercise any of those millions of dollars of stock options he, er, earned (?) during his tenure... or else!
Although Dr. McGuire was not running for office, he was a major donor to Republican candidates and the Republican Party. (Kind of reminds you of the old Beatles tune, "Can't Buy Me Love", doesn't it?)
Anyway, that about wraps it up for our show. Stay tuned for two years hence, when there will be more Pachys to hand out. Come to think of it, I'm almost certain there will be plenty of Pachys to parcel out before then....
And, presumably, because Democrats are not beyond doing stupid things, some Equus asinuses as well!
by Leigh Pomeroy
The election is nearly a month behind us. The nation breathed one huge, collective sigh of relief when it was over: For most it was a relief because the good guys won. The country seems to have brought itself back into balance after having veered off in one direction too long.
For others it was a relief because it was over. Trust me, as one who has run and lost more than once, the feeling of relief can easily overpower any sense of disappointment.
The GOP winners this fall included, of course, Minnesota's boy Governor, Tim Pawlenty, who managed to remake himself in the past two years as enough of a centrist to squeak by the DFL's Mike Hatch, thanks in part to the presence of a real centrist, Peter Hutchinson, in the campaign.
Also among the winners was the controversial Michele Bachmann, Minnesota's answer to Phyllis Schlafly and Colorado's Marilyn Musgrave. Mrs. Bachmann's victory can be attributed to the fact that, despite Minnesota's historic liberal leanings, which overall showed strong in this election, the North Star State still has its pockets of religiously driven, socially conservative craziness. Also, the camera likes Mrs. Bachmann better than Patty Wetterling, and although what she says doesn't always make sense, the way she propels her words with that dusky voice and earnest enthusiasm — well, why the heck not? Were she not elected to Congress she would do well as an addition to the Desperate Housewives roster on Sunday night TV.
Another winner, although he wasn't running, was Minnesota's junior Senator, Norm Coleman. With the ranks of Republican office holders in the state severely thinned, the election put him and Master Pawlenty thoroughly in the driver's seat of their party, which means they can pick and choose the issues on which they want to take action. As we've noted before on these pages, it appears already they will both be heading toward the security of the center.
As for the losing Republicans, we can divide these into three categories — heck, let's call them awards. And let's give them a name: the Pachys, short for pachyderms. (Drum roll, please!)
And the Woodchipper Pachy, for the Republican candidate receiving the worst shredding in a Minnesota election per the movie Fargo, goes to... Mark Kennedy!
What will you be doing after the election, Mr. Kennedy?
MIDFIELDER Mark Kennedy has effectively announced his retirement from international football after four years in the wilderness.Ooops! Wrong Mark Kennedy. Let's try again:
LONDON - Blue Marlin Brand Design has poached Mark Kennedy, the brand strategy chief and a board director of rival design agency Landor, to head up strategy.Drat! Another wrong Mark Kennedy. Third time's a charm?
"She's got it all: Beautiful writer gets high praise, six-figure advance for her debut novel" by Mark Kennedy.Naw. Can't be our Mark Kennedy. Could it? One more time:
The evening itself will actually contain two separate auctions. There will be a live auction, featuring Mark Kennedy as the auctioneer, which will contain the more unique pieces, and a silent "Orphan" auction.Wait? Is the press confusing him with Gil Gutknecht, the real auctioneer?
Well, let's move on. Now for our next award... (Drum roll, please!)
The Whoa!-I-Didn't-Expect-That-To-Happen Pachy goes to... the aforementioned Gil Gutknecht!
And what will you be doing after the election, Mr. Gutknecht?
"I'm still Gil. I'm curious, and optimistic. And I see the opportunities out there." One of those opportunities, he says, is consulting on alternative energies like wind, biomass, biodiesel and ethanol.
Ethanol? Someone say "ethanol"? Apparently there's a whole bunch of it in the ground near Cambria, courtesy of the Derail Monthly & (make) Excuses Railroad. Perhaps Mr. Gutknecht can consult on that.
And now for the final Pachy... (Drum roll, please!)
The Let's-Take-A-Lesson-From-The-Enron-Boys Pachy goes to... Dr. William McGuire, former CEO of UnitedHealth Group.
The good Doctor was told this week by a federal court that he'd better not exercise any of those millions of dollars of stock options he, er, earned (?) during his tenure... or else!
Although Dr. McGuire was not running for office, he was a major donor to Republican candidates and the Republican Party. (Kind of reminds you of the old Beatles tune, "Can't Buy Me Love", doesn't it?)
Anyway, that about wraps it up for our show. Stay tuned for two years hence, when there will be more Pachys to hand out. Come to think of it, I'm almost certain there will be plenty of Pachys to parcel out before then....
And, presumably, because Democrats are not beyond doing stupid things, some Equus asinuses as well!
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